The New Audi A3

Ok, next year Audi will be launching their all-new A3, not before time either. The biggest surprise is the addition of a 4 door saloon to the range, obviously pitched at attacking both the 1 and 3 series BMWs, but will they be addressing the issues, or rather my issues, with the outgoing model?


  1. The handbrake/arm rest/cup holder debacle. The car has a conventional handbrake system rather than the push-button activation used in the A4, A6 etc. It also has an adjustable armrest with limited storage capacity. Finally, it has 1 solitary cup holder. The problem with all of these items is that they sit on top of each other, therefore pulling up the handbrake lever is hampered by the armrest and putting a cup of coffee down involves retracting the armrest, at which point everything inside it crashes around. If the handbrake lever was positioned further forward and the cup holders, employing a retraction system, recessed into the dashboard, the whole thing would be tidier and less annoying.
  2. The electric windows have one-touch opening and closure, however this only works with the ignition on. You park your car, turn off the engine and then have to sit there like a lemon holding the button up until the windows close. Yes, I know that it has global closure and yes, I know that I could change the order in which I do things, but how hard would it be to allow one-touch closure without the ignition on for a period of time after the ignition is switched off? Not very hard, obviously, Vauxhall even managed to do it.
  3. Us smokers, and I am not alone in this, despise the lack of drainage channels around the windscreen. Even with light drizzle and the wipers on intermittent, any water wiped from the windscreen pours through even the smallest aperture, down the door panel and all over the electric window buttons and anything in the door pockets. Once again, if Vauxhall can do it…
  4. Unbelievably for a car which costs almost £22,000 list-price, the Audi A3 SE comes with, wait for it, no iPod or USB connectivity and 2, yes 2, speakers as standard. There’s nothing special about special equipment when a mere 2 speakers are involved. Ok, upgrading the stereo, getting 4 speakers and an AUX in connector is only £225, but should we have to pay an extra £225 for something which is standard on, for example, an £8500 Ford Ka? That gets 6 speakers and AUX in!
  5. The car needs an additional 12v power supply somewhere, possibly in the rear area of the transmission tunnel console, for charging phones, sat nav, iPods etc. It does have one, the cigarette lighter, and this is placed directly between the arm rest and the gear lever. If the connector is of usual size, this gets in the way of just about everything whilst driving, which is just plain silly.
  6. The grab handle things at the bottom of the centre console, despite looking quite impressive, are a waste of space. Put your phone/iPod on top of the ashtray lid and then drive around a corner. Watch in dismay as your expensive electronic gadget wings its way into one of the foot wells and out of reach.
  7. Why in the name of all that is holy are there no map pockets in the back of the seats? Seriously, this is a very poor show indeed. Which leads me to point 8…
  8. The glovebox. Yes, it’s a good size, but who felt the need to subdivide it into 3 compartments, none of which are big enough for anything?
Don’t get me wrong, I have far more plus points about the car than minuses. It’s exceptionally well put together, the plastics are generally of excellent quality (although as Mark pointed out, there are a lot of hard plastics for a premium brand,) the wind and road noises are minimal, the seats are superb, the steering wheel is a joy, the handling’s decent…I could go on all day. However, it’s the little things, the niggles, which I am drawn to. It’s like bus lanes, implemented by morons who get the bus everywhere with no thought for the rest of us. The designers need to listen to real-world users and act on the feedback rather than just trying to make things look pretty.

Lost & Found


Delia – hot or not?

Very funny, you have to love the saucy bint!

Ken Block has a shitty job!

They're kind of attractive

The Mighty(ish) Arsenal

Well I never, 3 points at Stamford Bridge against the PRF in crisis. It’s all going pretty well at the moment for us Gooners, particularly considering the shaky, putting it mildly, start to the season.


Last night’s beers went quite well, at least the part in Trillians did, however then Darren became obsessed by his telephone and Facebook and I got royally annoyed by this. Big John and Dave Silburn turned up too, monged beyond belief, but they quietly dispersed before any lasting damage could be done. I got a taxi home and ill-advisedly looked at Facebook – this is when the trouble started. What had annoyed me earlier regarding the lack of communication from Darren descended into an outright rage at what I took to be a complete reversal of his assurances regarding his intentions with our friend Tan Don. Subsequent phone calls and texts have proved that I was incorrect in my interpretation of what he said, however I’d vented my fury on him via Facebook comments bythe time that I got the full story and thus outed him as a “self-serving cocksucker,” a “fucking nob,” a cunt and an “unbelievably desperate bell end.” So, whoops and whatnot.


Anyway, that’s all water under the proverbial bridge now, we’ve kissed and made up (metaphorically speaking) and it’s business as usual. I did get a rather amusing phone call from Matty today, informing me that Lou had locked the car key in the boot and that Mother has the spare. I almost offered to drive down to Kent with it, however common sense prevailed at the last minute and I binned that silly notion. So, twat of the day award goes to Lou, you’d never catch me doing anything exactly the same as that in Leatherhead and then having to punch my window out or anything. Oh no, that would never happen.


Well, I’m off for a Tim Rothathon – Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Made in Britain. I’ll be pausing it, wherever I’m up to, so that I can watch Match of the Day and gloat at Chelski’s inability to defend or, in the case of John Terry, stay on his feet. He probably got distracted by a black man and stopped to hurl abuse at him, the big twat.



Who would like to…

burn a Jew? Sneaky little snivelling shits that they are.

Never a truer word spoken…

Absolutely true

Powerthirst 2

Powerthirst 1

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